


Grow As We Go

by CodalyShrub



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Comfort, Dream Smp, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Family Dynamics, Found Family, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Parent Sam | Awesamdude, Pig Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Sam | Awesamdude, References to Depression, Self-Doubt, Separation Anxiety, Sleepy Bois Inc Angst, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Suicide Attempt, Touch-Starved, Traumatized Tommyinnit (Video Blogging RPF), Trigger warning: abuse, Violence, awesamdad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29127687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CodalyShrub/pseuds/CodalyShrub
Summary: Boisterous laughter filled the SMP.Tommy flew high in the skies, his trident guiding him through the rain.He’s free.He’s finally free.Dream is locked away to rot and he can finally be a big man again.If only it was that easy,Or, Tommy has to face the pain that the ones he loved inflicted. As much as Tommy would like to hide his feelings, Sam has a peculiar way of helping him through the problems he faces. The title is from the song, “Grow as We Go” by Ben Platt.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Sam | Awesamdude & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit, Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 26
Kudos: 613





	1. The Prison

Boisterous laughter filled the SMP.

Tommy flew high in the skies, his trident guiding him through the surprisingly warm and comforting rain. The bullets landed harshly on his skin, reminding him that he was alive, and he survived.

He’s free.

He’s finally free.

The rain gently coated his dirty attire, still worn from his battle with Dream. Tommy could feel the agony and the scars that Dream had left behind being washed away with every drop he felt on his burning skin.

If only it was that easy.

Once the rain had stopped, Tommy had landed at his home. It was made almost completely out of dirt; others would look at the worn-down base and cringe. But it was home. He walked inside and was immediately greeted with a sense of comfort. This was the only home he’s ever known. Logstedshire was never to be considered a place other than prison and he was no longer welcomed with Techno, not that he was actually welcomed in the first place.

He shook his hair, like a rabid dog, water flinging and wetting the dirt beneath his feet.

He told Tubbo that he would stay with him in Snowchester, but the thought of abandoning this place, a shack that's only ever shown him comfort, had caused an ache in his chest. Through everything, the earthy smell had gotten him through hard times.

And those times were far from over.

Despite Dream being locked up, his words still clouded Tommy’s mind. An endless strew of mockery and demeaning words. His mind was shadowed over with the pain.

_ We’re friends Tommy. _

__

_ They don’t care about you, Tommy. _

__

_ I’m the only one that cares for you. _

__

_ They’re happy you’re gone. _

__

Tommy shuddered at the thought of Dream.

Speaking of Dream, he had to see him tomorrow. He had to show the green bastard that he had no effect on such a big man. That now his armor was gone, he was nothing and no one. No one worth wasting their time on, and no one worth remembering.

That thought did not stop Tommy from shaking as he walked up to the prison. The Blackstone covered building towered over Tommy the next morning. Pre-exile Tommy would've been sleeping this early in the morning. But after everything, if he did sleep it was only for a few hours at most and it was broken throughout the night. He took a deep breath and walked inside.

Sam was sitting at the front desk. It was surprisingly cozy in the main lobby. There were chairs, a nice carpet, and a Sam to annoy. Sam's chest rose steadily, and he didn’t look up, but Tommy knew that Sam could sense his presence. He was mysterious like that. Tommy didn’t know him all too well, but he never knew Sam to look so solemn and serious. The look on his face did nothing to calm Tommy’s nerves.

“Heeeeeyy Sam! My friend!” Tommy walked towards the desk, a skip in his step that didn’t really match the nervous energy he was radiating. His eye twitched and never seemed to stop and look at one thing. The blonde's eyes, darting across the room but never landing on the man in front of him. He had trouble looking authoritative figures in the eyes lately.

“Are you here to visit Dream, Tommy?” Sam didn’t look up from the papers he was sorting at the desk. Tommy couldn’t help but think how boring it must be to sit here all day. He wondered if he visited Dream in his free time since they were friends once upon a time.

“I am! Here to visit Big D. himself, figured I’d check up on him. Maybe tease him a bit for taking a fat L.” Tommy leaned one arm on the desk and flashed a wide toothy grin. Sam tilted his head and fumbled with something on his desk. Just as Tommy started to peer over, Sam was shoving a clipboard in his face.

“If you want to see the prisoner, you have to sign these forms.” Tommy hesitated as he grabbed the clipboard, giving Sam the side-eye; he didn’t expect the prison to be this serious.

But the forms were just the beginning.

As Sam led him through the prison, Tommy’s anxiety skyrocketed, until he couldn’t help but say just about anything that came to mind, just to try and drown out the silence the enclosed the prison. Unfortunately, Sam wasn’t a talker today. Or maybe he doesn’t like to talk in the prison. Maybe he was never a talker and Tommy just didn’t bother to notice. Either way, Sam was boring him.

“How long is this going to take?” Sam didn’t look at him.

“Face forward Tommy.” His voice was calm and steady, not a hint of annoyance despite Tommy’s incessant asking. Tommy rolled his eyes and tried to stare a hole through the flowing mix of orange and red. The warm colors almost blinded him. But how could he look away from such a mesmerizing sight? The lava cast an ethereal glow on the Blackstone that surrounded the two. Tommy shook his head, he shouldn’t pay any mind to that. He shook the thoughts away and tried concentrating. He started to focus on trying to catch a figure, a shadow, a glimpse of the dangerous man kept under lock and key only a few hundred feet in front of him, nothing but months of agony between them.

“Tommy, are you sure about this?” Oh, now he wants to talk.

“Why wouldn’t I be? I’m a big man Samuel. Dream doesn’t scare me, now that he’s locked away.” Tommy knew he was oversharing; he also knew that Sam likely didn’t care and was only asking because it’s his job.

Still, talking cleared Tommy’s mind slightly.

And he would need it for when he finally met with Dream.

Tommy sucked in a breath. He could finally see the top of the lava.

This was it.

He wanted to run every second the lava got lower.

But he couldn’t.

He knew that running would mean that Dream wins.

That Dream still has a hold over him.

He can’t let Dream win.

Not again.

He’s already lost so much to him.

His chest was screaming for air, and he finally released the breath he was holding in when he could see the top of Dreams head.

As Dreams face came into view, he couldn’t help the pang in his chest. Despite everything, he still looked at Dream as though he was a friend.

Even if Dream never treated him like one.

He wasn’t coherent when Sam began listing out directions, so when the floor started moving beneath him, he let out a small squeak.

Hopefully Dream didn’t hear that.

As the blonde got closer, he could make out more of Dreams features. His hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, but bits and pieces of hair still stuck out. His mask was cracked in the center, most likely from when Tommy struck him, there were also a few chips missing. Dream’s emerald green eyes flashed between the chips in his mask. His arms weren’t bound, surprisingly. And his typically green attire was replaced by an orange jumpsuit. The lava cast enough of a glow to show the bruises and scratches that littered the unclothed parts of Dreams body.

Dream would look pathetic if it wasn’t for that look in his eyes.

Like he still had power, control over Tommy.

Well, Tommy was here to prove him wrong.

Even if he wasn’t.

Tommy stepped off the platform and moved towards Dream’s cell, he hadn’t bothered to meet his eyes yet. A part of him didn’t want to.

“You came.”

“I did.”

Dream nodded and a small smile poked out through the bottom of his mask. Just then, the lava began flowing behind him and the cell opened.

“Give me a tour.” Dreams smile grew.

“Well, welcome to my new home!” Dream gestured to each item in his cell and Tommy was surprised by the excitement in his voice.

Solitude was one of the worst parts of what he went through, and the cell gave off just that. The dark gray walls screamed loneliness and gloom. It almost made Tommy feel guilty.

Almost.

“Hey Dream, everyone hates you, you know?" Dream paused, his posture no longer radiating excited energy.

"No one on the server likes you Dream, no one wants you here Dream.” Tommy held his hands together behind his back and stalked towards Dream. A sneer present on his face. Despite Tommy having the upper hand physically, in this situation, Dream didn’t move. In fact, he broadened his shoulders in defense.

“But don’t worry Dream, I’ll be your friend since no one else wants you Dream. I’ll visit you every day, to torment you Dream.” Tommy smiled and repeated the words engraved into his mind in a sing-song voice. Tommy let out a breath and tilted his head. He held eye contact, despite the desperate need to look away.

“Does that sound familiar Dream?” Dreams form shrunk. He crossed his arms and rubbed his biceps, almost as if to warm them. It reminded Tommy of how he shivered in his tent back in Logsted. Dream not even caring enough to spare a blanket or warmer clothes. He spent 6 months in solitude, each and every day his teeth chattered and he could feel his fingers turning numbingly blue and-

“I’m sorry.”

Tommy’s eyes widened. The loud boy was finally silenced. “What?” Tommy could barely hear himself over the beating in his chest.

“I’m sorry for everything I did to you, Tommy.” Dream looked away and Tommy looked down. It was a raw moment. One that Tommy was not used to. Dream had allowed Tommy to share raw moments with him during exile, but never vice versa.

“Really? Which parts?” Despite everything Tommy said, about hating Dream and wanting him dead, a part of him still craved the other's approval and friendship. Not that he’d ever admit that.

“I’d like if you’d visit every day.” Dream tilted his head towards Tommy, he gave off a smile that screamed charisma and manipulation.

But Tommy couldn’t sense the lies behind his smile. He could only see the man he once called a friend.

“I won’t visit every day. I don’t want to.” Dream’s smile twitched, and after spending 6 months with him, he knew what that meant. 

“Tommy, visit me.” That wasn’t a request. The low-voiced command spiked fear through Tommy’s heart and suddenly he was aware of how vulnerable he was. He was putty in Dreams calculated hands. At that moment, Tommy didn’t realize close Dream had gotten until he was right in front of him. Dream often moved like this, like a snake that blended with the shadows and the ground below. Despite being almost the same height, Dream towered over Tommy. He looked down at him, eyes narrowed, and he repeated himself.

Tommy didn’t respond. He just shook violently, in fear of what Dream would do. He might’ve not followed Dreams orders before exile, but that was when they were on equal footing.

It’s not like that anymore.

And Tommy’s not sure if they’ll ever be on the same footing.

“Guard!” Dream shouted, his eyes not leaving Tommy. Tommy visibly flinched at the increase in volume. “Tommy wants to leave!” Tommy looked back and the lava began to drain.

Despite the feeling of failure in his chest, he was relieved when Sam’s face appeared from the other side.

“Visit me in three days’ time, Tommy. I’ll be waiting.”

As the wall of lava closed behind him, Tommy dropped to the floor. He sucked in a breath of air heavily. His palms burned from him slamming to the ground, but he barely noticed.

_ How? _

__

_ How does he still have this much control?  _

__

Tommy's vision began to blur and an ache began to form in the center of his head. His focus zoomed in and out. He could feel his form shaking, despite the warmth that surrounded him from the lava.

“Stop!” Tommy retracted his hand into his chest immediately, thinking it was Dream, but when he looked up, Sam wore a patient smile. Sam had barely enclosed his grip on Tommy’s hand before he pulled back. The older man reached out again, ever so slowly, but did not make a move to grab him again. He moved his hand, palm upwards, and gestured at Tommy.

Tommy slowly laid his hand in Sam’s and Sam’s smile grew tenfold. He moved cautiously, scared to make Tommy flinch again, and brought the hand to his chest. Tommy pressed his hand against the metal of his chest plate, it was cooling underneath his fingertips.

“Breathe with me alright? Four in, seven out.” Sam’s voice was gentle, and it made Tommy feel like he was a scared animal trapped in wire. He was confused at the command at first, but Sam made a rather loud noise when sucking in the air that surrounded them.

Ah.

He’s supposed to follow his lead.

Tommy started trying to match his breaths perfectly, in fear of Sam being mad. At first, they were unsteady, and he couldn’t let out his breath for that long. But Sam waited patiently for him to catch up and reach his level of calm. His eyes never strayed off Tommy’s face, at first it was nerve-wracking and slightly embarrassing, but Sam’s gaze never held malintent.

Tommy let out one last breath and Sam removed his hand from Tommy’s. He removed his hand off Sam's chest plate and pulled it to his chest.

“You alright now?” Tommy shifted his eyes.

“Right as rain Sammy boy.” He voice raised in pitch and he tried to manage a smile. He tried to seem chipper, to breeze past what just happened.

What had just happened?

Tommy’s memory wasn’t foggy, he just didn’t quite understand why he freaked out like that. No, he could remember each embarrassing moment that he just displayed to Sam. It took everything in the boy to not groan audibly.

“Do you have panic attacks like this often?”

Ah, so that’s what they’re called.

“No, of course not.” Tommy made a stern face and moved to stand, his balance was slightly unsteady and Sam grabbed his forearms to help him stay upright. Tommy craved the warmth, but that thought was immediately switched with thoughts of the pain that hands bring.

Tommy shrugged Sam’s hands off of him and placed his hands on the back of his head, his elbows stretched high into the air. He tried acting nonchalant. But Tommy could tell from the eyebrow raise and the look in Sam’s eye that he wasn’t buying it. How could he after what just happened? Sam could guess whatever happened in exile wasn’t good, but he never predicted it would’ve resulted in one of the loudest and rudest boys he’s ever known, to be silent and scared.

The power Dream held, even when locked in a cage with nothing but his thoughts and a pen, scared Sam.

It scared Tommy too.


	2. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy has a nightmare. He has a lot these days.

_“Give me your armor Tommy.”_

_Tommy shook his head firmly and planted his heels in the dirt beneath him. He held his ground and didn’t dare break eye contact. He wasn’t afraid of some dumb green bitch. And if he looked away it’d prove that he was._

_“I worked hard for this! I spent all night in the mines diggin’ and shit, you can’t take it from me! I’m not a prisoner, I’m just exiled!” Tommy threw one hand up in the air in exasperation. The other hand was brought close to his chest, holding his newly and proudly crafted axe._

_He hasn’t really made stuff this way in years, he mainly stole from people around the SMP. It felt good to be useful and productive for once._

_And he was not letting Dream take that feeling from him._

_Despite having nothing but a bright smile and beady, sunken eyes, the pale white mask made Tommy shudder. He could only hope the shakiness in his stance and tone wasn’t as visible as he thought it was._

_Tommy wasn’t typically scared of anything, maybe spiders, but he wasn’t afraid of Dream. Truly, he wasn’t. So why did begin to shake?_

_He liked pissing Dream off!_

_It’s why he’s here in the first place!_

_It’s just an off day, that’s why his breaths are quickening; that’s why his heart is beginning to race._

_That’s why he’s taking a step back._

_No other reason._

_It wasn’t because a ruthless, manipulative prick that HATED him had him cornered and alone. Not to mention, he was also extremely pissed at the boy. Dreams “pissed off” state was always much more unnerving than others. He was calm, collected, like whatever happened didn’t phase him. The only true telltale sign that he was angry was his voice deepening and the click of his tongue he made whenever he was annoyed._

_Tommy swallowed and sized Dream up. Maybe he was just a bit afraid. The mans was unstable! And decked in netherrite gear!_

_Tommy looked down at himself and groaned at his iron armor, already slightly broken from the mobs of the previous night._

_Today was not his day._

_Tommy was secluded, dressed only in iron armor and staring down a man completely decked in one of the best armor sets he’s ever known. There’s a reason its named “Nightmare.” Tommy could feel how Dream towered over him, not physically, but situationally, possibly also mentally. Comparing their armor just made Tommy realize how vulnerable and at Dream’s mercy he truly was. Dream was in control in this situation. Hell, he was in control of most situations, but somethings changed._

_Tommy has never been this alone before._

_He doesn’t want to admit it, but…_

_He’ s scared shitless._

_But he surely wouldn’t fuckin act like it. TommyInnit was not cowering to a bald, stupid, son of a bitch like Dream._

_Tommy tilted his head in a mocking manner, like he dared Dream to say anything. He gave him a smile, hoping it looked more intimidating than nervous._

_If he acted big, maybe he could stop feeling so small._

_Dream took one step forward and-_

_Pain exploded from the left side of his face. Tommy recoiled and with weak knees, he fell to the side. The brute force slamming him to the ground. His ear rung, deafening everything around him._

_His mind couldn’t quite grasp what had just happened. And that was apparent from the bug-eyed look on his face and his agape mouth._

_Dream…_

_Had Dream…?_

_Had Dream struck him?_

_His vision blurred as tears sprung to his eyes. His right cheek burned red hot and he could feel the bruise forming. Heat radiated off the spot that Dream struck him, and it burned to touch._

_The masked man squatted down and moved his hand towards Tommy’s face._

_Tommy jerked away but didn’t make a move to stand. Tommy had a wild look in his eyes, like a caged animal filled with distrust. His eyes were trained on the hooded man, and the hate, the disbelief in his eyes could be seen from L’manburg._

_Not that anyone would look twice if they saw what was happening._

_Dream sighed and moved his hands to rest on his knees._

_“Tommy. You have a listening problem that needs corrected.” Dream spoke carefully. Everything he did was careful. Calculated, more like. His words, his walk, his strikes. He had a plan for every move Tommy would ever make, and Dream flaunted that power. Tommy just stared. He’s never been hit like this. Whenever he was, it was in combat, warfare, maybe during a familial spat or two, never when he was defenseless. Wilbur might’ve pushed him around a bit back when he went slightly insane, but he never had nor would ever strike Tommy in the face._

_“Now I won’t ask again,” Dream paused and leaned in closer. “But if you make me, it’ll hurt a lot worse, Tommy. Don’t make me do anything rash.” His voice lowered to a point that sent shivers down his spine and he felt his skin crawl. Tommy looked Dream up and down. His heels were planted on the floor and he was crouched down, his forearms dangling off his thighs. Tommy couldn’t see Dream’s face, but he could guess that it was a condescending smile. Dream tilted his head and just as Tommy heard him intake a breath of air, Tommy began removing his armor._

_He pulled at the buckles, one by one, as slowly as he could manage, hoping to wake from a bad dream. He’d wake up back in L’manburg, with Tubbo standing over him, giving him an annoying smile that told him it was time to start the day. Maybe he was waiting for Dream to yell “Haha! Just kidding Tommy!” But he never did._

_He was aching for any and all annoyances Tubbo had shown him._

_But for now, he was given a task. And he didn’t need to be reminded what happened if he didn’t fill it out. Tommy placed all his armor on the ground in front of Dream and stared up at him._

_“Was that so hard Tommy? If you listened this easily back in L’manburg maybe they wouldn’t have exiled you.” Tommy flinched at the low blow and looked down with a sullen look in his eyes. Dream stood and crossed his arms, leaning back on one leg and jutting his hip out._

_“And your weapons.” Tommy scoffed and his stare changed from annoyed to quizzical._

_“You’re not right in the fuckin ‘ead if you think I’m doing that! How am I going to defend myself against mobs?”_

_“I’ll be here to protect you. It’s just until I trust you to not try and fight back Tommy. I promise. Once I can trust that you won’t try and start to, I don’t know, start an uprising or revolution, you can have your armor back, and then your weapons. It’s a safety measure, for you and me.”_

_“Sounds like a load of bullshit to me.” Dream stalked the few steps towards Tommy and gripped him up by the hair. Tommy shrieked as he was yanked upwards. The boy grabbed and slightly scratched at the hands that had a death grip on his blond, disheveled locks. His feet scrapped against the hard ground as he tried to find proper footing._

_“I said I won’t ask again.”_

_Tommy dropped his tools immediately, staring at Dream with wide eyes and an agape mouth._

_Pathetic._

His eyes snapped open and he jolted upwards. A cold breeze drifted amongst his room and it aided slightly to cool his sweaty and shaken form. Tommy took quick rapid breaths as his hands shot to his hair.

He could still feel the sting of his hair being ripped from its roots.

He could still feel the burning sensation on his cheek.

He could still feel all the pain Dream’s hands had ever caused.

He slouched forwards and held his head in his hands. Willing the memories away. Willing the pain away. But if there’s anything he learned since meeting Dream, it’s that the pain is never truly gone for good. It’s dulled until the memories bring it back full force. The memories of the pain will keep it alive and burning.

Now that he was no longer warm from the thrashing in his sleep, the sweat on his skin almost froze with the cold breeze in his room. The thin, white, stained sheets did nothing to help his now freezing form. He began to shake for different reasons.

_It’s okay._

_Just breathe._

_You’ll be okay._

_You’ll be okay._

_It's just a nightmare._

He had too many nightmares these days. Tommy pulled his arms around himself and fell back into bed. He curled up, trying to make himself smaller and pulled the sheets over his head. He repeated a mantra of consolatory words and gently rocked himself. He couldn’t close his eyes, every time he did he would see Dream’s bright mask staring into his soul. With an angry grin that was never satisfied. A grin that would rip the brightest parts of the young boy to shreds.

_Just breathe._

_You’ll be okay._

_You’ll be okay._


	3. Now What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What to do now? That the fighting is over and Tommy has nothing to show for it.

Every day after one of his infamous nightmares was always shit.

He felt like complete rubbish and usually he’d make sure everyone knew and suffered alongside him.

But this was different.

He didn’t want to have to explain why he was feeling like shit and he sure as hell didn’t want to explain the nightmares. If he explained the nightmares, then he’d have to explain exile and Dream and…. and Tommy couldn’t. A part of him didn’t want to. He was slightly afraid of the response he’d get after he told people what had happened.

It was one thing when no one visited him and they thought he was doing fine. Well, as fine as someone that was exiled could do.

It’s another thing knowing that no one visited him, and then didn’t care what happened to him.

He didn’t want to have to hear it from someone’s mouth that he deserved it or that he was overreacting.

He didn’t want to hear that it was his fault he was there.

Dream had said that enough.

It was still dark out when Tommy emerged from his room. He had given up on sleeping long ago and had grown tired of staring at the ceiling with soulless eyes and dark bags.

The young boy yawned and stretched his arms upwards, his back cracking loudly. His bed wasn’t the comfiest, but it was better than his tent. Had he been in his tent he’d be completely sore, and if it wasn’t a nightmare that woke him it’d be the pain in his back. His body tingled with the chill that blew through the room.

His eyes watered and his jaw tightened. His body begged him to sleep. It’s pleas fell on deaf ears, because no matter how tired Tommy’s body was, his mind called the shots. And today, like every other day, it was too disturbed for sleep.

Tommy moved slowly through the morning. Taking his time in every action he did. Washing up, farming, and eating took at least an hour longer than usual. The sun had risen high in the sky by the time he emerged from his humble dwelling.

He shielded his eyes the second he walked out, the sun was blinding, and a part of him couldn’t tell if that was a bad thing or not. Tommy never paid much attention to the sun, or time in general pre-exile. But in exile, the sun was always hidden behind layers of gray-colored clouds. At Techno’s there was too much snow drifting and too many clouds to really feel the warmth. He had missed the sun and the blue skies. He had missed the warmth the sun had given off. The sun warmed his body and he soaked in its rays. The boy closed his eyes and dropped his arms to his side. He let the sun warm his face, his jaw relaxed, and his shoulders drooped.

Tommy wasn’t one to pay any mind to the simpler things in life, but maybe he should’ve. Maybe remembering the simple things in life worth living for would’ve kept him stable for longer. Maybe he wouldn’t have lost remnants of himself if he just learned to breathe and dissolve into the nature around him. He lost himself, and Dream put him there, but he can’t blame everything on Dream. Even though he should.

Tommy finally opened his eyes and looked down. He raised his hands and looked at the open palms. His fists clenched and unclenched.

Every waking moment he spent fighting for his life. Whether that was from stealing food on the streets, fighting in wars he had no business being in that young, or fighting the demons that plagued his every waking thought, fueled by none other than Dream, the man himself.

He couldn’t help but think, now what?

The world around him is finally at peace. The tyrant of the SMP is gone. They celebrated the demise of Dream, Tommy relished it.

But Tommy can’t help but feel anxious. A part of him feels like something isn’t right. Like it can’t be this peaceful. It’s never been this peaceful, and whenever Tommy drops his guard is when the hope building inside him is ripped from his chest.

Another part of him knows he doesn’t deserve it. This kind of peace isn’t made for ungrateful kids like himself. It’s made for people like Tubbo, people that didn’t turn bitter after everything. It’s made for people that don’t go looking for trouble with every step they take, with every bone in their body.

It wasn’t made for children with blood-stained hands.

Peace wasn’t made for Tommy.

He didn’t deserve it.

What did he even fight for? His country? That's gone. His family? His brother is dead and the other hates him. His friends? Tubbo could barely hold a conversation with him and-

And that's it. Wow, surely Tubbo isn't his only friend. Right?

Tommy laughed bitterly to himself.

He has no one and nothing. 

He fought a lifetime of wars; lived a lifetime of pain, and he doesn't have even a single friend to show for it.

Why was he doing this? Why is he still here? If no one wants-

“Tommy!” Tommy gasped. His head shot up and he jumped back, heart and mind racing. Sam stood in front of him, his body was curved to the side, his head dangling in front of the boy. Probably to get Tommy back to the real world before he jumped away. Sam straightened and dusted off his clothing.

“What is it you prick! You scared the shit out of me!” Tommy shot daggers through his eyes, with furrowed eyebrows, he crossed his arms and leaned back onto one leg.

“I was just stopping by to say hi! I saw you sitting here staring at your hands and I got a bit worried.” Sam took a step closer, the metal from his gas mask gleamed and shot a ray of the sun right into Tommy’s eyes. He hurriedly covered his eyes and groaned.

“I’m fine Sam. You’re a worrywart you know? And no one likes a worrywart.” Tommy flinched inwardly at his own words. Always so spiteful. Wonder why no one visited him? Maybe if he didn’t have a habit of pushing every single person out of his life, maybe then he’d-

“Tommy!” Sam snapped his fingers in front of the boy's face. To which, Tommy widened his eyes and frowned at the man in front of him.

“How rude! I’m not a dog! Don’t snap your fingers at me!” Tommy pushed Sam’s hand away roughly and Sam sighed.

“I couldn’t get your attention.” Sam paused. “You keep zoning out Tommy, this isn’t normal for you.” Tommy rolled his eyes.

“And you would know what’s in my range of ‘normal’? Last I checked, we aren’t close Samuel.” Sam nodded and chuckled.

“You do have a point there Tommy. I apologize for assuming.” Tommy looked down and bit the inside of his cheek. Sam was just trying to make sure he was alright, it’s one thing to be dismissive, another to be completely rude. Tommy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I’m sorry Sam, been a rough morning.” Sam tilted his head.

“How so?” Tommy shrugged and let his arms hang.

“Just have to get used to the new environment is all. I’ll be fine in a day or two, don’t worry.” Rude and a liar. Nothing new. Sam hummed and tilted his head back, staring at Tommy and looking for an ounce of nervousness. But Tommy’s always been a good liar.

“Alright Tommy, whatever you say. Maybe you’d feel a bit comfortable in an actual house?” Tommy gasped.

“How dare you! This is an actual house, my house!” Sam held up his hands defensively, even though Tommy couldn’t hurt him if he tried.

“It just doesn’t have proper heating, is all. It’s also quite lonely isn’t it?” Tommy shook his head.

“Nope! It’s actually quite cozy and you are a dick for thinking otherwise.” Sam shook his head fondly and let out a smile laugh.

“I have somewhere to be, so let me know if you need anything, alright? I’m just a call away.” Tommy rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time and nodded.

“I know I know, can you go now please?” Sam nodded his head, and Tommy waved him off.

“There’s something wrong with that guy I swear. Always buggin me and shit.” Despite being a dick about it, Sam was slightly right. His home is looking a little worse for wear. He hasn’t been home in what, how long has it been? Maybe 3 quarters of a year? With no one to care for it, _like no one cared for its owner,_ it needed a pick me up. A renovation, perhaps.

And he just sent away his help.

Shit.

Sam had barely just disappeared around the corner before Tommy called after him.

“Sam! Wait!” Tommy slightly jogged to get within hearing distance. It took Sam a moment, but he turned around and raised an eyebrow at the boy.

“Tommy? Didn’t you just ask me to leave?” Tommy tilted his head back and forth, like he was weighing in on what to say.

“No no no, of course not Samuel. I would never send you away.” Sam rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“What is it you need Tommy?” Tommy smiled and puffed out his chest.

“I thought of this idea entirely on my own, but I realized it’s a bit cold innit? Plus, the ol’ shack hasn’t been lived in in a while, so maybe it could use some renovations perhaps?” Tommy held his hands together and leaned towards Sam. With that devious smile, Sam could almost see two horns and a tail.

“It’ll cost you.” Tommy slumped forward and groaned.

“I’m poor Sam, I just got back from exile.”

Sam smiled.

Turns out, Sam didn’t mean rare materials, he meant labor.

Tommy would’ve rather went through the trouble of getting full netherrite than actually help build. Not that Tommy didn’t like building, but everyone thought his buildings were ugly and bland. He wanted his home to look and feel welcoming.

“Tommy, we have to clear out the dirt.” Tommy groaned.

“Why?” Tommy dragged out his word in a complaining tone. “This is just like animal crossing, giving me tasks an shit, except less fun.” Sam perked up at that.

“Do you like animal crossing?” Sam dropped a few shovels on the ground in front of Tommy’s shack, soon to be house.

“I like the older versions better,” Tommy said nonchalantly. Sam hummed and nodded. “You’re like Tom Nook, but Sam. Sam Nook.” Tommy smiled at his own joke as he gently kicked at one of the dropped shovels.

“I have something to do, can you get some wood for me?” Sam smiled innocently at the boy. Tommy squinted his eyes and groaned.

“I’m only getting a stack, that’s all you get.” Tommy walked off and headed to the forest slightly South of his home.

It wasn’t a long walk, it probably felt shorter since Tommy was complaining the entire time. He walked up to his first tree and pulled out his axe. He froze.

The deep purple gleamed in the sunlight that was now on it’s way to set.

_Axe of Peace_

It reminded him of better days. When he would venture with Technoblade out into the wilderness without a care in the world, knowing his older brother would protect him. He always knew that when he was at his brother’s side, nothing bad would happen to him.

He could even forget about Dream for a minute or two.

Despite Techno’s constant complaining, Tommy could tell that the hybrid enjoyed his company. Tommy made stupid remarks just to see Techno fondly roll his eyes.

It was the happiest he’d been since before the elections.

Tommy didn’t imagine he’d feel that happy again.


	4. Sam Nook

“Sam! I got the-“ Tommy walked into his home to see Sam, standing tall and proud with a set of small ears upon his head.

“What the hell Sam?” Tommy headed to a chest and started placing his newly gathered wood inside. “Didn’t really take you as a furry.”

“HELLO TOMMINNIT!” Tommy knew that sound anywhere. Faint chirps of a famous Nintendo game played out from Sam.

“No! No no no, we are not-!”

“YOU MADE GREAT WORK GATHERING ALL THE MATERIALS NEEDED! WE CAN NOW REPLACE THE FLOOR!” Tommy’s eyes widened and he sputtered out a laugh.

“You’re… you’re like Tom Nook! Yeah, Sam Nook more like!” Tommy barely managed to spit out the nickname before laughing again. His laugh was loud and completely uncontrolled, it made Sam smile.

“Alright “Sam Nook” I gathered what you needed, so you can replace the floor.”

Sam rolled his eyes and spoke again. “GREAT JOB GATHERING ALL THE WOOD NEEDED! NOW WE NEED SOMETHING TO REPLACE THE WALLS!” Tommy groaned.

“What do you need now Sam Nook?”

“WE NEED A STACK OF COBBLESTONE, A STACK OF REGULAR STONE, AND A STACK OF SMOOTH STONE!”

Tommy’s eyes widened and he stuttered out a response in astonishment. “A-A full stack of each? You’re out of your fuckin mind, that’s going to take ages!”

“HELLO TOMMYINNIT! GREAT JOB GATHERING THE WOOD FOR THE FLOOR! NOW WE-“

“Skip! Skip! I don’t need to hear it again.” Tommy moved to his chests and grabbed his pickaxe with a frown.

“This better be a goddamn good house Sam Nook.” Tommy turned towards the door with a goal in mind.

“It’ll be even better Tommy.” Tommy stopped at the sound of Sam’s, normal Sam’s voice. He turned and tilted his head.

“It’ll be your home.” Sam had a small and simple smile on his face, his eyes crinkled with something undecipherable to Tommy. With something Tommy hasn’t seen since Wilbur lost his mind.

Tommy gave an awkward and thin smile and headed towards the mines.

“Tommy! Just the man I was looking for!” Tommy raised an eyebrow as he turned to meet the weirdly happy man that stood behind him.

Jack Manifold.

Tommy was tempted to dig a hole under his feet and trap him but shook the idea the second it came. Diggin’ holes reminded him of exile.

A lot of things reminded him of exile these days.

“I heard you were building a house, yeah?” Tommy tilted his head back slightly and nodded. Tommy wasn’t sure why he was tensing whenever Jack spoke, but he didn’t like being near Jack. Gave him a weird vibe.

“I reckon, I could help you out a bit.” Tommy perked up at that. He loved the idea of Jack working for him.

“Oh yeah?” At the same time, Tommy was entirely bored and uninterested in the conversation.

“Yeah! Definitely! I can help you now! What are you working on?” Jack gestured to the pickaxe in Tommy’s hand and gave a too chipper smile. Gave Tommy the creeps.

“Grabbing a shit load of cobblestone. Need 3 stacks of it.” Jack perked up at his answer.

“I happen to have 2 stacks of cobblestone back at my house! If you want to follow me, I’ll grab it for you!” Tommy shook his head and hung his pickaxe at his side.

“You’re a little late for that Jack, I’m done already.” Tommy swung his pickaxe over his shoulder and pushed past Jack. Jack moved his body to the side to let Tommy through and sighed.

“Alright Big T, but if you ever need help with something, I’ll be the first there. Alright?” Tommy rolled his eyes.

“Alright alright.” Geez, what is with everyone these days? Everyone is acting strange, being too nice and overly friendly.

Sam included.

Speak of the devil, as Tommy began making his way towards the build site, he saw Sam working diligently at a crafting table.

“Sam?” Sam turned at the sound of his name and immediately brightened after realizing it came from Tommy.

“Tommy! How did mining go?” Sam turned towards the crafting table, but his head was lifted upwards. A sign that he was still listening.

“Boring as shit. But it’s done and over with. Just ‘ave to cook everything.” Sam nodded and grinned excitedly, there was a sparkle the gleamed in his eyes. What was he doing?

“Tommy, come over here.” Tommy did as told and walked closer to Sam, curiosity had gotten the best of him. Sam turned around abruptly, holding something in front of him. Tommy’s arms immediately flew up to his face.

Guarding it.

Waiting for impact.

Shit, what did he do? Was Sam upset with him? Did he mishear him about the cobblestone amount? Why was Sam angry?

Tommy braced for an impact that never came.

“Tommy?” Tommy opened his eyes; he could just make out the bottom of Sam’s mask through his arms. Shit, he overreacted.

Tommy pulled his arms down immediately.

“Sorry Sam, just uh, a bit jumpy after the mines ya know? Mobs never let up down there, aha.” Tommy turned his head and scratched the back of it, not making eye contact. Actually, he was avoiding contact.

“If you’re sure Tommy. Anyways,” Sam leaned his body, so his face was in front of Tommy’s, he could tell Sam was smiling, despite the mask. The corners of his cheeks moved upwards and his eyes crinkled, but the joy that’s usually accompanied by a smile wasn’t there. The smile didn’t reach Sam’s eyes. Just another person’s day Tommy ruined.

Typical.

“I have a gift!” Tommy finally made eye contact and tilted his head.

“A gift? For me?” Tommy gestured towards himself with a bewildered look upon his face. Sam nodded.

“Yes, for you silly.” Sam let a giggle and slowly moved the item in his hands closer to Tommy. The young boy looked up at the tall man. His eyebrows scrunched together and he pierced his lips.

“Why? I haven’t earned anything.” Sam let his hands fall, the item still clutched in his grasp. Tommy didn’t bother looking at said item, he didn’t want to get excited for it only for it to be taken away.

“What do you mean? You don’t earn gifts Tommy, they’re just given. It’s to show that the other person thought of you and wanted to make you smile.”

“That is not only the fakest shit I’ve ever heard but also the clichést thing as well.” Tommy crossed his arms and rolled his eyes dramatically. A warm feeling spread from his chest and throughout his body. But the chill in his bones would always be back. He didn’t want the warmth leaving to hurt anymore, so he refused to let it in.

“Tommy, take it. I give my word that there isn’t any other reason than because I thought it’d make you happy.” Tommy looked up at Sam and scanned his face. From the parts he could see, it didn’t look like he was lying. He held his hands out and Sam dropped an item in Tommy’s hand.

A netherrite axe.

“Sorry, I didn’t have the time to enchant it. But I got the books for you if you want to do it.” Sam tilted his head and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. Tommy looked down at the axe with wide eyes. The deep purple coloration gleamed in the sunlight.

“I think you should return the axe of peace Tommy.” Tommy finally looked up.

“Why should I? Techno’s a wrongen.” Sam shrugged his shoulders lightly.

“It’s his, and,” Sam paused, as if he was thinking about what best to say, “and it makes you sad Tommy.” Tommy blinked. God, was his pitiful state that noticeable? He didn't think Sam could see the forlorn looks he gave the axe. But it never left his side, just like Tubbo's compass never left his neck.

“You have every right to be upset with what happened, but I think giving the axe back, or just storing it away in your enderchest will help you heal.” Sam laid a gentle hand on Tommy’s shoulder and it took everything in him to not flinch away.

Tommy isn’t upset, not really. At least not at Technoblade. He’s upset at himself. The look on Techno’s face as Tommy betrayed him haunted him to this day. A part of him regretted what he did, for no other reason than that he knew he’d lose his last brother by doing so.

“I don’t know how to enchant this.” Sam’s eyes widened.

“You don’t know how to enchant? Like, at all?” Tommy frowned.

“That’s what I said innit dickhead?” Sam rolled his eyes and pulled back. Tommy missed the warmth of Sam’s hand.

“I can show you.” Tommy couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice.

“Really? You’d teach me?” Sam nodded fondly.

“Of course, I’m surprised Phil didn’t.” Tommy shrugged and looked away.

“Phil wasn’t around much. It was mainly Wilbur that took care of me and he didn’t believe in fighting or armor.” Sam nodded slowly and sighed. He turned on his heel and began walking. Tommy stared after him. 

Sam stopped only a few paces ahead and turned. “Well? Let’s enchant that axe of yours. Make the axe of peace look wimpy.” Tommy smiled and trailed off after Sam.

“Yeah! Techno’s a bit of a bitch anyway!”

Sam kept his promise and showed Tommy over the next few hours the ins and outs of enchanting. Tommy still couldn’t read the language for the life of him, but he knew how to work the enchanting table and that was a feat in and of itself.

“Tommy, I’m really proud of your work! I didn’t expect you to pick everything up so quickly.” Tommy felt a swell of pride in his chest, which was apparent by the look on his face.

“I learn everything quickly Sam, I’m like a, like a leech or some shit.” Tommy laughed inwardly. Sam raised an amused brow.

“Blood-sucking?” Tommy scrunched his nose and shook his head.

“I just retain all the knowledge; I’ve got a ‘igh IQ I do.” They walked out of the enchanting room together, Tommy leading and Sam slightly behind him.

“Of course of course, wouldn’t expect anything less from Big Man TommyInnit.” Tommy stopped and turned completely around, facing Sam straight on.

“Do not patronize me Samuel, I reckon I’d win in a fight against you.” Tommy had a small smile on his face and a spark in his eye.

“Tommy, you couldn’t hurt a fly if you tried.” Sam laughed slightly and patted the young boy on the shoulder. Tommy shooed his hand off and puffed out his chest.

“I most certainly can! Dream trained me well he-!” Tommy paused and swallowed.

Everything came back to him, didn’t it? 

A whirlwind of emotions overcame Tommy as he remembered his “lessons.”

Constantly beat, shoved around, and kicked down, with an eerie faceless man urging him to “get up” until he couldn’t feel his legs. It hurt to get hit with the makeshift wooden sword, but it was a day full of punishments if Tommy didn’t get up. 

He could feel the scars underneath his shirt begin to itch. The thought of Dream always made his scars itch. Like they were waiting to be reopened by the powerful and merciless man in green.

Tommy's heart began to race and his legs started to shake. God, why does this always happen in front of Sam?

Pathetic, isn’t it?

“Ah, I uh, turns out I have something to do. Like right now, I actually forgot about it earlier, so I’ll be seeing you!” Tommy managed to stutter out his words, hoping Sam didn’t question anything.

Sam looked up towards the sky, it was almost pitch black. the only thing illuminating the sky being the crescent moon and stars. He didn't want to make Tommy uncomfortable so he didn't question it. Sam nodded his head sadly and moved to place his hand on Tommy’s head.

The scarred boy flinched roughly and completely moved out of range from Sam. A confused look was present on Sam’s face as Tommy turned around.

“Really gotta go, bye!” Tommy moved quickly. Walking as fast as possible while trying to be nonchalant was no easy task.

And Sam could see right through the broken boy.


	5. The Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy visits Dream in prison.

Tommy stared at the wall across his bed for hours on end. Only blinking occasionally to wet his sore, bloodshot eyes.

He has to get ready.

He can’t look like this when he leaves.

He can’t look so pathetic and scared when visiting Dream.

He refuses to.

Dream isn’t in control anymore. He can’t hurt Tommy anymore.

He can’t hurt Tommy anymore.

Tommy pulled his knees to his chest and laid his head down on them. He pushed his hands through his hair and _pulled._

He pulled until it hurt. He pulled until he could feel a headache sprouting. He pulled until he could feel his hair tearing out from his skull until it bled.

He released his hair and scratched at his scalp and then his arms and then his face.

Aching for the pain to just stop. To just get out.

He has to get up.

He can’t stay like this forever.

Dream can’t win.

Dream isn’t winning.

Just-just stop thinking about him.

He’s locked away he doesn’t even have to see him, so why does it still _hurt_ like this.

_Just stop_

_Just stop_

_Don’t think_

_Don’t think_

_Get up_

_Get up_

Sam cringed at the young boy when he walked into the prison. His eyes were slightly red, and he was paler than normal. Red angry streaks trailed down his face and neck, but Sam thought best to not question the already unstable-looking boy.

“You know the drill, Tommy.”

Sam was surprised at the lack of talking there was. Tommy didn’t say anything except for confirmations to Sam’s instructions. It was completely different than the first time. The first time Tommy visited, he couldn’t stop talking. He radiated nervous energy and tried to cover it up by talking big. This time, Tommy didn’t say a thing. Didn’t try to act tough, didn’t try to joke around. It was like Tommy was just floating, and not in a relaxing at a pool type of way.

Sam played it off as Tommy just having a lot on his mind.

That couldn’t be further than the truth.

Tommy was on autopilot. Not a thought in mind. For once, Tommy was silent. He was silent all the way up until the floor began to move underneath him, dragging him towards the man that made him this way. Tommy looked up and could see Dream staring at him from across the lava lake. He noticed the disheveled look first. His hair was matted, yet his clothes were pristine except for a stain at the neck of his shirt. Blood, perhaps? 

Tommy sighed as he walked off the bridge and stepped onto the obsidian floor.

He’ll never be ready for this, will he be?

“Tommy!” Tommy looked up and could picture a bright smile under Dream’s mask.

“I’ve missed you!” Dream’s tone dripped sickly sweet honey. His words were laced with promises and abuse.

“Can’t say the same big man. You’re a bit of a bitch.” Tommy shrugged his shoulders as the guardrail lowered. Giving Dream full access to him.

“Oh come on Tommy, you just got here. We should enjoy ourselves!” Dream threw his arms up and gestured excitedly.

“Enjoy ourselves?” Tommy raised his eyebrow. Not only could he not picture himself entirely enjoying time spent with Dream, but he also couldn’t imagine enjoying himself in this prison at all. It was dark and dreary. The lava cast an ethereal glow on the obsidian, but besides that, the cell was sad.

“Yes! Like old times, remember?” Tommy did remember. Manipulation and beatings aside, Tommy had fun with Dream. They played together, laughed together. They would talk late into the nights with nothing but the stars and moon to witness teary-eyed talks shared in loneliness.

Tommy talked to Dream about almost everything.

Including Wilbur.

Tommy shook the thought.

“I don’t like you.” Dream dropped his arms and hung his head. A sigh escaped his lips and was slightly muffled by the porcelain mask.

“I understand Tommy. I was cruel to you, during exile. I only wanted to help, but…” Dream walked closer and placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. Tommy flinched, but he knew better than to turn away. “But you’re a big man. You can handle everything alone now, can’t you?” It seemed like an innocent question, maybe even a rhetorical one. But Tommy knew Dream better than most. It was a mock. A dare even. Like he knew Tommy wouldn’t, couldn’t survive without Dream.

“I’ve always been a big man.” Tommy puffed his chest out slightly and glared at Dream. Dream nodded.

“I suppose. Let me rephrase it then,” Dream placed a hand on his chin and tapped it with a long and thin finger, “Now you’re a big and _tolerable_ man.” Tommy flinched. Tolerable?

“What do you mean?” Dream shrugged his shoulders and walked back to his bed. He took a seat and let out a sigh of relief when he made contact.

“Well, people can actually tolerate you now. They couldn’t before. That’s why they exiled you, that’s why no one visited you.” Tommy pursed his lips and turned away.

“They didn’t visit me because of _you_ Dream. You burned the invitations, remember?” Tommy looked back at Dream, and the taller man looked comfortable. Content even, like he had complete control of where this conversation was going.

Tommy hated it.

“I might’ve burned the invitations, and that was wrong of me, but I _did_ help you build the bridge remember? Actually, I helped build multiple bridges.” Dream crossed his legs. “I shouldn’t have destroyed the invitations, but would anyone have shown up anyways? They didn’t show up before then, they didn’t show up after the party, it was better I burned them, Tommy.”

Tommy hated when Dream talked down to him like this. Like he was a child that couldn’t comprehend why he couldn’t have ice cream for breakfast.

“They would’ve come.” Dream chuckled and Tommy clenched his fists at his sides.

“See? It’s better I burned them. Better for your sanity. If no one showed up, and I hadn’t tempered with them, imagine the state you’d be in?” Dream shook his head.

“I don’t want to imagine what you would’ve done to yourself if that had happened. If everyone had proved me right.” Dream sighed and looked up at the blond boy. His eyes were significantly bluer now than they ever were in exile. They might've been bluer, but they didn't glow the same. Tommy's eyes didn't radiate fiery passion and hope like they used to. 

“Sit with me, Tommy.” Tommy was compelled to listen. It was an automatic response at this point. He sat next to Dream, maybe a hand’s width away, and looked at his shoes.

“I want to make things better with you Tommy. I don’t want to be some monster in your story.”

“Too late.” The words tasted sweetly bitter in his mouth. Tommy didn’t bother looking up, he could feel the disappointed stare.

“If you truly think so. I won’t force forgiveness on you. But just know, I’ll always be here for you Tommy, just as I always have been.” Dream placed a gentle hand on the boys’ shoulder and rubbed gently. It was comforting and warm, something the touch-starved boy wasn’t used to. He hated that a part of him wanted to lean into the comfort the smiling man gave.

“I won’t forgive you,” Tommy muttered quietly. He didn’t think Dream believed his words, hell, Tommy didn’t even believe them. Dream stopped rubbing his shoulder for a moment like he was surprised, before continuing.

“Okay, Tommy. Whatever you need.” His voice was gentle and soft, it reminded him of Phil when he was younger. Before Phil took Techno and left 15-year-old Wilbur to provide for 7-year-old Tommy. Tommy didn’t want to think about the remaining members of his family.

If he could call them that.

“I should go.” Tommy stood abruptly and Dream stood with him.

“So soon? You must be busy these days. Hanging out with Tubbo I’m amusing?” Dream clasped his hands together. Tommy shook his head.

“We don’t talk that much anymore. Not with him moving and all.” Dream nodded slowly.

“So, he left?” Tommy called Sam on his communicator and didn’t bother looking up at the masked man.

“Yeah. He left.”

Tommy’s mood didn’t brighten much after that, which Sam took quick notice of.

After Tommy’s visit, Sam had walked Tommy back to the building site of his new home. It was in place of his old home, but it left enough bits untouched that Tommy didn’t have to relocate while construction was going on.

“Tommy, I think Shroomlights would really brighten up the place, make the build look more natural, ya know?” Sam dropped his tools and smiled at the boy.

“How many do you need?” Sam pursed his lips at the lack of complaint.

“Not too many, I think 16 would do for now?” Tommy nodded and waved as he headed towards the portal.

Tommy should’ve complained more though, cause he hated the nether.

The constant state of sweating. The ghasts. The silence… _The lava._

The nether didn’t remind him solely of exile, but it also reminded him of his deteriorating mental state.

He took the long route to the portal, walking as slowly as he could without passersby questioning him. But even as slow as he walked, he still ended up standing in front of the ominous purple, gleaming portal.

Tommy took a deep breath, trying to calm his already racing heart, and stepped into the portal.

It only took a moment for him to arrive into the next dimension.

The nether.

Tommy stepped out of the portal and scanned the area. It was completely empty, not even a piglin insight.

God this sucked.

Of course, the only memorable path to the red forest biome was on his old path.

The old path to Logstedshire.

Tommy walked towards the cobblestone path and stopped at the signs in front. He ran his hand along the wood and flinched at the splinters that presented themselves.

The signs were barely legible, almost completely unreadable. Soon, it’d be like Tommy never wrote the signs, like he was never secluded from everything he’d ever known 1,000 blocks away. Like he never left L’manburg.

Tommy shook his head and pushed forward. He continued walking along the path, forgetting entirely about his original task, and let himself be soaked in nostalgia.

Ash filled the air and he breathed it in like he was made to. He stopped in his tracks at the sight of the Logstedshire portal. He wasn’t ready to go back there. He wasn’t sure he would ever be ready to truly face what happened. Tommy clenched his fists and instead turned to the left, walking down a small path that hung directly over the lava lake that covered the nether floor.

He stepped up the edge, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath in. He wasn’t the same person he was when he first made this path, but at the same time, he didn’t feel like anything had changed.

He was still alone.

He was still useless.

Except last time he was here, he had Dream.

Now, he doesn’t have a soul on his side.

Tommy looked over the edge, his face began to sweat at the excessive heat radiating off the lava lake a few hundred feet below. He lifted a foot up and dangled it over the edge.

A part of him questioned what would happen if he left himself lose his balance? He would fall and burn, sure, but what would happen afterward?

Would they hold a funeral? Would they honor him?

Or would they let him die a meaningless death just as his brother before him did?

No funeral.

No grave.

No one to remember him.

No one to care that he was gone.

“Tommy?” Tommy places his foot back on the ground securely and turns. His eyes widen at the pig hybrid standing behind him, decked head to toe in full enchanted netherrite.

Fuck, Tommy was not having a good day.


	6. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy talks to Techno and Sam talks to Phil.

“Eyyyy Technoblade, my friend!” Tommy drags out his words nervously as he tries to be nonchalant. Techno places a hand on his hip and raises his head slightly, a crease appears in his brow as he stares the youngest brother down.

“What are you doing?” Techno’s voice wavered slightly, and Tommy pinned it on Techno being annoyed at the situation. Techno gestures to the drop-off behind Tommy with a nod of his head. Tommy looks at the drop-off and then turns back to Techno. The boy swallows thickly.

“What? Am I not allowed in the nether? Last time I checked, I can do whatever I want. Free country.” Tommy crosses his arms to hide the shakiness of his hands and looks away. He wouldn't be surprised if Techno had picked up on it. Techno has always been watchful. Probably too much for his own good.

“I thought I told you to stay away from cliffs, Theseus.” Techno’s voice seemingly drips indifference to the situation. Almost as if he’s bored of the conversation. _~~Of Tommy.~~_

“I was getting something for Sam.”

“Ah, _he_ must’ve asked you to dangle yourself off the cliff then?” Tommy scrunched his nose and bit his tongue. A part of him wanted to be snarky and make Techno snap at him. Anger is always easier to deal with. Another part wanted to make amends with the only other person he looked up to besides Wilbur. Sam’s words come to mind and he felt his face burn red at the idea of being vulnerable.

“I also came to see you.” Tommy looked back at Techno; his hair was longer than he remembered. It looked freshly braided, which meant Phil was still with Techno. Unsurprisingly. Techno wasn’t the best at braiding his hair, but he knew the basics. Phil, however, would always do different types of braids.

Tommy couldn’t help the pool of jealousy that settled at the bottom of his stomach. Techno was the favorite of the trio, Wilbur coming second and Tommy dead last.

_“Phil thinks you’re annoying Tommy.”_

_“No, he doesn’t. I’m his kid.”_

_“Then why hasn’t he come to see you? Not even since the start of exile, since the start of L’Manburg. He’s had contact with Wilbur, so why not you?”_

_“Wilbur hasn’t had contact with Phil.”_

_“Ah, so he lied about then, too?” Dream pulled out a letter and held it upwards in between his fingers. Tommy wanted to reach and snatch it, but he knew better than to take things from Dream. He had to earn them._

_“This is the last letter Phil sent Wilbur before you two were exiled and started Pogtopia.” Dream let the letter fall and Tommy scrambled for it._

_“Wilbur never got to read it. Maybe you should.”_

_Tommy peeled open the letter and immediately noticed Phil’s handwriting. Cursive and barely legible._

_Tommy wanted to throw up._

“Heeh? Me? Why would you want to see me?” Tommy shook the memory at the sound of Techno’s voice and looked up. The look of bewilderment didn’t faze Tommy and he continued.

“I have something of yours and I wanted to return it?” Techno stayed silent as he looked his younger brother up and down. Tommy looked older than he remembered. His hair had grown, not that the boy had bothered to take care of it. His red scarf clung to his neck tightly. Did Tommy always wear his scarf that tight? It was secured close to his neck, so there was no chance of it falling even the smallest of amounts. Techno remembers seeing Tubbo retying it consistently due to the scarf being so loose. That was before exile.

Tommy reached into his satchel and pulled out Techno’s pride and joy. The axe of peace. It the enchanted purple glimmer mixed with the orange and yellow colors that radiated from the nether world.

It’s stunning.

Techno laid his eyes onto the enchanted weapon for a moment before glancing back up at his youngest sibling. Tommy looked down and to the side slightly. Did Tommy always have trouble making eye contact?

“I-I,” he took a deep breath, “I know we left things on bad terms. But I wanted to return this to you.”

“Why?” Techno’s response was quick and curt.

“Other than it’s yours?”

“It’s one of the most powerful weapons on this server, and you’re just… handing it back?” Techno raised his eyebrow, not buying the answer. Tommy shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s important to you. You gave it to me because I earned your trust. But I tend to fall short a bit when meeting expectations.” Tommy looked up at the hybrid and back down.

“I don’t deserve it, after everything.” Tommy whispered. Techno doesn’t think he’s ever heard Tommy whisper before. Even when he was trying to be sneaky as a young child, his whispers were always loud and obnoxious. That’s why he was never allowed on hunts with Phil and the twins. This was entirely different. This whole meeting with the kid was entirely different. Nothing he would’ve expected. Techno was surprised at the character growth Tommy had shown since the last time they spent more than a passing glance at one another.

Tommy pushed his hand out, axe presented proudly. He nodded towards it. Techno slowly reached over, his eyes darted from the axe to Tommy, before grasping it firmly in his hand. Tommy let out a sigh of relief.

“Feels good to hold, doesn’t it?” Tommy smiled slightly and looked up at Techno. Techno bounced the weapon in his hand, like he was weighing it. He stole a glance at the young soldier.

“Thanks, Tommy.” Tommy nodded his head. Techno didn’t smile, hell he never smiles, but his eyes crinkled with joy at the sight of his axe.

That was enough for Tommy.

And that was enough vulnerability for today.

The silence extended for a few moments before Tommy started moving. He walked past Techno and gave him a thin-lipped smile.

“Bye.” Tommy hurried back onto the path and made his way quickly to the red biome.

Techno didn’t try to stop him from leaving this time either.

Tommy returned to the prime path and made the journey to his house. It wasn’t far, not more than a few minutes’ walk.

He was surprised Techno didn’t say anything else. He didn’t even give him a lecture, which is very un-Technoblade-like. Techno loves his lectures especially when they’re against Tommy. Maybe he didn’t want to talk to Tommy? I mean, why would he? After everything Tommy did.

Tommy does a lot of things to make people leave.

He kept his head down as he kicked rocks on his way home. His mind ran ramped with the idea that Techno couldn’t be bothered to lecture him.

He spared a glance upwards and immediately brightened at the sight of his home.

He ran the rest of the way and was greeted by Sam Nook standing at the doorway.

“HELLO TOMMYINNIT! GREAT JOB COLLECTING THE LIGHTS! THE BUILD IS ALMOST COMPLETE AND READY TO LIVE IN, JUST HAVE TO FINISH THE LIGHTING!” Tommy’s smile stretched his face cartoonishly. It looked painful, but Sam smiled, nonetheless.

“It looks amazing Sam! I can’t believe it looks this good!” Tommy caught his words and laughed nervously.

“That’s nothing against your skills, I just didn’t think- I just wasn’t-“

“IT’S ALRIGHT TOMMY, BEFORE YOU HEAD INSIDE, YOU MUST CLEAN! THE GARDEN HAS OVERGROWN DUE TO YOUR ABSENCE AND NEEDS TENDING TO!” Tommy threw his head back and groaned.

“I wasn’t even gone that long! And I wouldn’t have left at all if you hadn’t given me a stupid chore.” Tommy murmured. He looked up sheepishly and scrunched his nose at the joyous look on Sam Nook’s face.

“Right after I can head inside?”

“OF COURSE!” Tommy jumped slightly and hurriedly made his way to weed.

Sam pulled the mask from his face and smiled at the boy quickly yanking the weeds from the ground.

“Good afternoon Sam.” Sam turned, and his eye twitched at the man standing before him.

Philza Minecraft.

“What is it?” Sam couldn’t hide the disdain in his voice for the man. He couldn’t blame all of Tommy’s trauma on his father, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to fake niceties.

“I heard Tommy returned the axe of peace.” Sam smiled to himself and felt pride for the stubborn boy build in his chest. He’s glad his words resonated and stuck. He’s also surprised Tommy didn’t gloat about it the second he showed up. Phil tilted his body and looked behind Sam to see Tommy vigorously pulling weeds. His eyes widen and he has an exasperated smile present.

“How the hell did you get him to do that?”

“What?” Phil pointed.

“Work. Never seen Tommy do a damn thing for himself his entire life.” Phil chuckled. “You must also be the reason Tommy gave the axe back then? How did you get him to act like that?” Sam clenched his fists. He could hear the joking tone in Phil’s voice, nothing more than harmless banter towards Tommy. But Sam’s absolutely positive if the boy heard what his father said, he wouldn’t consider it a harmless joke.

“Like what?”

“Like a normal kid. He’s always been a little shit.” Sam could hear the endearing tone in his voice.

“He’s always been a good kid.” Phil shakes his head slightly and gestures.

“No, no, Sam. You should’ve met him when he was younger. He would-“

“Kids tend to act out when neglected.” He said matter-of-factly. Phil’s eyes widen.

“Wh-what the hell? I’ve never neglected Tommy.” Sam rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. He let his body relax and crossed his shoulders.

“All I did was show Tommy that someone loves him and cares about him unconditionally. No strings attached. I showed him respect and he showed it in return.” Sam turned slightly to stare at the boy. He’s glad Tommy was too far away to hear the conversation and too preoccupied to look over and see Phil.

Sam nodded once before reaching over and patting Phil on the shoulder. He glanced down and held eye contact, as did Phil.

“He’s always been a good kid Phil. Just never had any good adults around to show him that he was more than a, what did you call him? A disappointment? A dirty, thieving, little racoon?” He removed his hand. Phil’s eye twitched and he pursed his lips.

“I’m sure we’ll see each other again.” Sam put his mask on, never breaking eye contact, and headed inside. He didn’t want Phil to think he was embarrassed acting as a, what, raccoon? for Tommy.

He wasn’t ashamed of acting for Tommy to find joy.

He wasn’t ashamed of Tommy.

Tommy walked in moments later with a smile on his face and a clear line of sweat on his brow.

“Finished big man!” Sam nodded.

“LET’S BEGIN THE TOUR THEN, SHALL WE?”

**Author's Note:**

> I have a few chapters already written out, so as of now the story will be updated typically once a week, or sooner if I go on a writing spree.


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